We needed some new ones!! 1. The trouble with life is there's no background music. 2. The original point-and-click interface was a Smith & Wesson. 3. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead. 4. Procrastinate Now! 5. Don't take life too seriously; no one gets out alive. 6. I smile beca...

'Potentially' vs. 'Realistically' A young boy went to his father and asked him, "Dad, what is the difference between 'potentially' and realistically'? The father thought for a moment, then answered, "Go ask your mother if should would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars," in in...

$5.37! That's what the kid behind the counter at Taco Bell said to me. I dug into my pocket and pulled out some lint and two dimes and something that used to be a Jolly Rancher. Having already handed the kid a five-spot, I started to head back out to the truck to grab some change when the kid with t...

1. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore. 2. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one. 3. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you. 4. If you're a woman, you go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests. ...

A group of boys are playing on the playground. They begin to talk about what their fathers do for a living. One boy says, "My daddy is a doctor". The next boy says "My dad is a Policeman". The thirs boy says "My dad is a lawyer!!" The other two boys seem impressed and s...

A policeman pulled a car over and told the driver he had won $5,000 dollars in the seatbelt competition. “What are you going to do with the money?” asked the policeman. “Well, I guess I’m going to get a drivers license”, he answered. “Oh, don’t listen to him,” said a woman in the passenger seat, “He...

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

His wife said to him.."whisper dirty things in my ear!"



He whispered......................"Kitchen, living room, bathroom."






He'll be out of the hospital tomorrow!

A manager was complaining in a staff meeting that he wasn’t getting any respect.Later that morning he went out and got a small sign that read, “I’m the Boss”.He then taped it to his office door.Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said. ...

A lady goes to the doctor and complains her husband is losing interest in sex.He gives her a pill but warns her that it’s still experimental. He tells her to slip it in his mashed potatoes at dinner. At dinner that night, she does just that.About a week later she’s back at the doctor and tells him, ...