Gabriel came to the Lord and said " I have to talk to you. We have some Texans up here in Heaven who are causing problems. They're swinging on the pearly gates, my horn is missing, barbecue sauce is all over their robes, their dogs are riding in the chariots, and they're wearing baseball caps a...

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, 'I would like to buy some cyanide.' The pharmacist asked, 'Why in the world do you need cyanide?' The lady replied, 'I need it to poison my husband.' The pharmacist's eyes ...

A man was tailgated by a stressed out woman on a busy boulevard. Suddenly, the light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection. The tailgating woman was furious and h...

An Alabama pastor said to his congregation, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who said this to s...

The following classified ads were really placed in one newspaper or another. Enjoy! Hehehe! FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 years old. Hateful little bastard. Bites! FREE PUPPIES 1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog. FREE PUPPIES. Mother a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd. Father, Super Dog...

It vas springtime in Nordern Minnesota and da lakes vas yust beginning to thaw. Ole asked Lena, "Vould you valk across da frozen lake to da yeneral store and get me some smokes?" "Ya, sure. Give me some money," said Lena. "Nah, yust put it on our tab." Lena valked acros...

A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took her husband aside and said, "I don't like the looks of your wife at all."
"Me neither, Doc," said the husband, "but she's a great cook and really good with the kids."

Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage and family values.
Stu said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married; did you?"
Ralph replied, "I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?"

Three blonde women were stranded on an island. While trying to dig their way out, one of them came across a buried lamp. Suddenly a genie appears and offers to grant each one of them one wish, in return for saving him. The first blonde woman asks to be intelligent. Instantly, she is turned into brow...

How was your blind date?" the co-ed asked her roommate.
"Terrible!" she answered. "He showed up driving a 1952 Rolls Royce."
"Wow! That's a very expensive car. What's wrong with that?"



"He's the original owner!"