The first time I heard that it was about Bill Clinton.

Vern.

Sudden decompression at altitude caused by a crack in the window can be fatal.

Vern.

Cruise ship happenings from a lovely lady, recently widowed; MONDAY: Dear Diary ...What a wonderful cruise this is going to be! I felt singularly honored this evening. The Captain personally asked me to dine at his table. Great food and lively conversation. TUESDAY: Dear Diary ... I spent the entire...

TEN HUSBANDS A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle; I'm still a virgin. What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times? "Well, husband #1 was a Sales ...

Don't send a woman to the hardware store------- Bubba was fixing a door and he found that he needed a new hinge, so he sent his wife Mary Louise to the hardware store. At the hardware store, Mary Louise saw a beautiful teapot on a top shelf while she was waiting for Joe Bob the manager, to finish wa...

The definition of "mixed emotions" ;

Seeing your mother in law drive off a cliff in YOUR brand new pickup truck.

Vern.

My favourite (spelled it that way so those across the pond would understand ) sign in the store is ;

"Any problems void the warranty."

Vern.

Drunk in a biker bar... A drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar and orders a drink. Looking around, he sees 3 men sitting at a corner table. He gets up, staggers to the table, leans over, looks the biggest, meanest, biker in the face and says: "I went by your grandma's house ...

Joe,

You actually saw the planes in that incident, that must have been a shock. I've seen the video of that crash about 50 times and am shocked each time.

Vern.

The woman at the checkout stand at the grocery store turns red as checker asks over loudspeaker, "Price check on Tampax." Reply over the loudspeaker from stockboy who thought she wanted a price on thumbtacks. "Do you mean the kind you push in with your thumb, or the ones you pound in ...