A few more.......

Post by **Niner Delta** » Wed Jan 23, 2013 10:24 pm

Sven notices his neighbor has a sign in his yard-"Boat for Sale."
"Ole," he says, "you don't own a boat. All you got is your old tractor and your combine."
"Yup," said Ole. "And dey're boat for sale."

Why are cowboys' hats turned up on the sides? So that three people can fit in the pickup.

In Seattle you haven't had enough coffee until you can thread a sewing machine while it's running.

What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse's mouth? A mechanic.

Howard dies and waits in line for judgment. He notices that some souls go right into heaven, while Satan throws others into a burning pit.
But every so often, instead of hurling a poor soul into the fire, the devil tosses him aside. Curious, Howard asks Satan,
"Excuse me, but why are you tossing them aside instead of flinging them into hell with the others?"
"They're from Oregon," Satan replies. "They're too wet to burn."

On his first trip to Boston, the North Carolinian met a girl at a bar and asked her, "Do you go to Harvard?"
The girl responded, "Yale."
"Oh OK. DO YOU GO TO HARVARD?!"

What do you call 40 guys watching the Super Bowl on television.....The Detroit Lions.

The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), the FBI, and the CIA want to see who is best at catching perps.
So a rabbit is released into the forest, and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses.
After months of extensive investigation, they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads, they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit.
The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later, dragging a bruised mountain lion behind them.
The mountain lion's yelling, "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"