The following are excerpts from church bulletins that obviously nobody proof read before printing :
The fasting & prayer conference includes meals.
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scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be
recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
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the sermon this morning: 'jesus walks on the water' the sermon
tonight:'searching for jesus'
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ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of
those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
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don't let worry kill you off - let the church help.
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miss charlene mason sang 'i will not pass this way again,' giving
obvious pleasure to the congregation.
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for those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a
nursery downstairs.
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next thursday there will be try-outs for the choir. They need all the
help they can get.
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irving benson and jessie carter were married on october 24 in the
church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
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a bean supper will be held on tuesday evening in the church hall.
Music will follow.
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at the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'what is
hell?' come early and listen to our choir practice.
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eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of
several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
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please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased
person you want remembered.
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the church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment
and gracious hostility.
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pot-luck supper sunday at 5:00 pm - prayer and medication to follow.
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the ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They
may be seen in the basement on friday afternoon.
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this evening at 7 pm there will be a hymn singing in the park across
from the church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
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the pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would
lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next sunday.
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low self esteem support group will meet thursday at 7 pm. Please use
the back door.
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the eighth-graders will be presenting shakespeare's hamlet in the
church basement friday at 7 pm. The congregation is invited to attend
this tragedy.
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weight watchers will meet at 7 pm at the first presbyterian church.
Please use large double door at the side entrance.
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and this one just about sums them all up ...
The associate minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last sunday:
'i upped my pledge - up yours