WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU CROSS A JOKE WITH A RHETORICAL QUESTION...?

This is where you can share a funny story or joke. Adult humor allowed in large degree. Jokes that are considered more offensive than humorous will be deleted.
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Niner Delta
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WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU CROSS A JOKE WITH A RHETORICAL QUESTION...?

Postby Niner Delta » Sun Aug 06, 2017 5:53 pm

-Just ate a frozen apple. Hardcore.

-My battery had an alkaline problem, so it went to AA meetings.

-I'm giving up spray deodorants at the end of the year. Roll on 2018.

-I threw an Asian man down a flight of stairs. It was Wong on so many levels.

-Bought a liter of White Out yesterday. Huge mistake.

-Herb gardeners who work extra get thyme and a half.

-I've started a business building yachts in my attic. Sails are going through the roof.

-Last night, I kept dreaming that I had written Lord of the Rings. The wife said I'd been Tolkien in my sleep.

-I bought a dog from my local blacksmith. When I got it home it made a bolt for the door.

-The future, the present and the past walked into a bar. Things got a little tense.

-Last night I went to a comedy and philosophy convention. Laughed more than I thought.

-Did you hear about the Italian chef with a terminal illness? He pastaway.

-Just watched a wildlife documentary on beavers. Best dam program I've seen in a long time.

-My dad died when we couldn't remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to "be positive" but it's hard without him.

-I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself this is the last thing I need.

-I was trying to explain puns to my kleptomaniac friend today, but she kept taking things literally.

-A courtroom artist was arrested today for an unknown reason... details are sketchy.

-I found a rock yesterday which measured 1760 yards in length. Must be some kind of milestone.

-A woman told me she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

-I have a few jokes about unemployed people but it doesn't matter, none of them work.

-I told my friend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.

-I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.

-eBay is so useless. I tried to look up lighters and all they had was 13,749 matches.

-My wife told me I was a fool to build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta.

-My first job was working in an orange juice factory but I got canned, couldn't concentrate.

-Just watched a documentary on how ships are kept together. Riveting.

-Thieves had broken into my house and stolen everything except my soap, shower gel, towels and deodorant. Dirty Bastards.

-I used to have a problem where I couldn't stop naming classic American sitcoms, but I'm over it now. Oh Happy Days.

-Did you hear about these new reversible jackets? I'm excited to see how they turn out.

-My wife's working in a bowling alley. Ten pin? No, permanent.

-I was addicted to the hokey pokey... but thankfully, I turned myself around.

-I thought my wife was joking when she said she'd leave me if I didn't stop singing 'I'm A Believer'. Then I saw her face.

-I'm emotionally constipated. I haven't given a shit in days.

-My math teacher called me average. How mean!

-Jokes about opticians just get cornea and cornea.

-I've just written a song about tortillas... actually, it's more of a rap.

-A steak pun is a rare medium, well done.

-Just burned 2,000 calories. That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.

-I was walking the dogs the other day when all of a sudden they vanished into thin air. Not sure where they went, but I've got some leads.

-If anything is possible, is it possible for something to be impossible?

-When my wife told me I had to stop impersonating a flamingo, I decided to put my foot down.

-What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a bicycle and a nicely dressed man on a tricycle? A tire.

-Dad: I've just been diagnosed with Tom Jones syndrome... Mum: Is it common?... Dad: It's not unusual.

-Accidentally fell asleep smoking an e-cigarette and when I woke up my whole house was on the internet.

-Police just caught a man stealing 50 helium balloons. They had to let him go.

-I find it very offensive when people get easily offended.

-My computer's got Miley Virus. It has stopped twerking.

-If you want a job in the moisturizer industry, the best advice I can give is to apply daily.


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Niner
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Re: WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU CROSS A JOKE WITH A RHETORICAL QUESTION...?

Postby Niner » Sun Aug 06, 2017 7:05 pm

And I couldn't help but read every one of them......... :loco:
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deadin
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Re: WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU CROSS A JOKE WITH A RHETORICAL QUESTION...?

Postby deadin » Sun Aug 06, 2017 10:11 pm

There aren't enough corners in the room.... :loco:
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DuncaninFrance
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Re: WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU CROSS A JOKE WITH A RHETORICAL QUESTION...?

Postby DuncaninFrance » Mon Aug 07, 2017 2:06 am

OR stairs :loco: in the world...................
Duncan

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Re: WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU CROSS A JOKE WITH A RHETORICAL QUESTION...?

Postby Aughnanure » Sun Aug 13, 2017 8:50 pm

I read 'em all too!!
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