WWIII

This is where you can share a funny story or joke. Adult humor allowed in large degree. Jokes that are considered more offensive than humorous will be deleted.
Post Reply
User avatar
DuncaninFrance
Global Moderator Sponsor 2011-2017
Posts: 10189
Joined: Fri Oct 06, 2006 3:08 pm
Location: S.W.France
Contact:

WWIII

Post by DuncaninFrance » Sat Jun 13, 2020 11:52 am

The Russian President is sitting in his office when his telephone rings:

“Hallo, Mr. Putin!” A heavily accented voice said. “This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Clare, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!”

“Well, Paddy,” Putin replied. “This is indeed important news! How big is your army?”

“Right now.” Says Paddy, after a moment’s calculation. “There is meself, me cousin Sean, me next door neighbor Seamus and the entire darts team from the pub. That makes eight!”

Putin paused. “I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100,000 men in my army waiting to move on my command.”

“Begoora!” Says Paddy. “I’ll have to ring you back.”

Sure enough, the next day, Paddy calls again. “Mr. Putin, the war is still on. We have managed to get us some infantry equipment!”

“And what equipment would that be Paddy?” Putin asks.

“Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer and Murphy’s farm tractor.”

Putin sighs, amused. “I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 6,000 tanks and 5,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I have increased my army to 150,000 since we last spoke.”

“Saints preserve us!” Says Paddy. “I’ll have to get back to you.”

Sure enough, Paddy rings again the next day. “Mr. Putin, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We have modified Jackie McLaughlin’s ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit and four boys from the Shamrock Bar have joined us as well!”

Putin was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. “I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes. My military bases are surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I have increased my army to 200,000!”

“Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!” Says Paddy. “I will have to ring you back.”

Sure enough, Paddy calls again the next day. “Top o’ the mornin’, Mr. Putin! I am sorry to inform you that we have had to call off the war.”

“Really? I am sorry to hear that.” Says Putin.

“Why the sudden change of heart?”

“Well.” Says Paddy. “We had a long chat over a few pints of Guinness, and we decided there is no feckin’ way we can feed 200,000 prisoners!”
:IRE:
Duncan

What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch? -- W.C. Fields
"Many of those who enjoy freedom know little of its price."
You can't fix Stupid, but you can occasionally head it off before it hurts something.

http://www.twgpp.org
http://www.andrewsinfrance.co.uk
User avatar
Niner Delta
Global Moderator Sponsor 2011-2017
Posts: 4361
Joined: Fri Apr 09, 2004 10:51 pm
Location: Sequim, WA

Re: WWIII

Post by Niner Delta » Sat Jun 13, 2020 6:26 pm

OMG! That is a drunk Irishman stereotype and it is racist. You have extremely offended me and
I will be marching in protest in front of your house tomorrow afternoon.

Please have wine and a cheese tray available, and chairs, so we can sit and talk...... :mrgreen:


.
:USA:

Peace is that brief, quiet moment in history.......... when everybody stands around reloading.
User avatar
DuncaninFrance
Global Moderator Sponsor 2011-2017
Posts: 10189
Joined: Fri Oct 06, 2006 3:08 pm
Location: S.W.France
Contact:

Re: WWIII

Post by DuncaninFrance » Sun Jun 14, 2020 2:33 am

Always available Vern :bigsmile: :bigsmile:
Duncan

What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch? -- W.C. Fields
"Many of those who enjoy freedom know little of its price."
You can't fix Stupid, but you can occasionally head it off before it hurts something.

http://www.twgpp.org
http://www.andrewsinfrance.co.uk
User avatar
Aughnanure
Moderator
Posts: 2942
Joined: Wed Jun 22, 2005 5:59 am
Location: Glen Innes, NSW, Australia

Re: WWIII

Post by Aughnanure » Mon Jun 15, 2020 3:53 am

A Donnchadh,

Níl tusa, a dhuine uasail, greannmhar [ :bigsmile: ]
Self Defence is not only a Right, it is an Obligation.

Eoin.
Post Reply