Infantry Regiment:
Tracks snake through the jungle. Snake smells them and quickly leaves the area, travelling upwind.
Parachute Regiment:
Lands on and kills the snake.
Royal Tank Regiment:
Runs over snake laughs and looks for more snakes.
Household Cavalry:
Treats snake with haughty disdain as having no impact on the primary objective - to hold London against the Roundheads at all costs.
Royal Marine Commando:
Plays with snake gets smashed with the snake. Eats snake.
Royal Artillery:
Fires 3 hours concentrated barrage with 105 mm howitzers, 155mm AS-90s and MLRS. Misses snake. Tree blown up by stray round falls on the snake and kills it. Mission declared successful and all participants were awarded gallantry medals.
22 Special Air Service Regiment:
Makes contact with the snake and, ignoring Foreign Office directives, builds rapport with the snake and starts winning its heart and mind. Trains it to kill other snakes. Files massive expenses claim. Writes bestseller "Python Two Zero".
Royal Army Medical Corps:
Wounds snake in the initial encounter then works feverishly to save snake's life. Snake then dies by mistake on the operating table in the field hospital. Dissects snake.
Royal Navy (Task Force):
Fires a single Tomahawk cruise missile from the one working nuclear sub and follows up with naval gunfire from various destroyers and frigates. Estimates 80% of snakes killed. Makes PowerPoint presentation to MoD Select Committee on how Naval forces are the most cost-effective means of conducting anti-snake operations.
TA:
The weekend camp was cancelled due to the presence of snakes in the area.
RAF
Obtains GPS coordinates for snakes. Alerts 40 Tornadoes, 20 Typhoons and the RAF Regiment. Loads laser-guided bombs by mistake. Flies in at 20,000 feet. Can't find snakes due to low cloud cover. Drops bombs in the sea on the way home killing 85% of marine life in the no-fly zone. Aircrew returns to 5 Star hotel for crew rest, dry-cleaning collection, facial and manicure.
Army Intelligence Corps:
Snake? What snake? Only 4 of 35 indicators of snake presence are currently active. Assesses potential for snake activity as low. Dies of snakebite.
Royal Engineers:
Find snake. Kill snake. Stuff and mount snake on a plaque. Build a bar. Place snake plaque above the bar. Call bar 'The Snake Pit'!
