have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon though,
security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit
Cross." Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when
tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorised from
"Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a
"Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666.
Also, the Italian government announced yesterday that it has raised its
terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in
Italy are "Surrender" and "Collaborate." The rise was precipitated by a
recent fire that destroyed Italy's white flag factory, effectively
paralysing the country's military capability.
It's not only the English and Italians that are on a heightened level of
alert. France has increased the alert level from "shout loudly and
excitedly" to "elaborate military posturing on the Champs-Élysées ".
Two more levels remain, "ineffective combat operations" and "dig up De Gaulle".
The Germans also increased their alert state from "disdainful arrogance"
to "dress in uniform and sing marching songs". They also have two higher
levels: "invade a neighbour" and "lose".
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual and the only
threat they worry about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .
