Things we learn from TV.........

[Niner Delta]

Things we know because of TV!!!

If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange

noise wearing their most revealing underwear.

If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a

passing St. Patrick's Day parade-at any time of the year.

All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French

bread.

Once applied, lipstick will never rub off-even while scuba diving.

The ventilation system of any building is a perfect hiding place. No

one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel

to any other part of the building without difficulty.

You're likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the

mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will

not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.

The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in

Paris.

People on TV never finish their drinks.

A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but

will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

When paying for a taxi, never look at your wallet as you take out a

note-just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the

exact fare.

If you lose a hand, it will cause the stump of your arm to grow by

6 inches.

Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at

night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.

During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a

strip club at least once.

Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family

every morning, even though the husband and children never have time

to eat them.

Cars and trucks that crash will almost always burst into flames.

A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of a

football stadium.

If a killer is lurking in your house, it's easy to find him. Just

relax and run a bath-even if it's in the middle of the afternoon.

Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.

Although in the 20th century it is possible to fire weapons at an

object out of visual range, people of the 23rd century will have

lost this technology.

All single women have a cat.

Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.

Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to

turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few

moments.

One man shooting 20 men has a better chance of killing them all than

20 men firing at one.

Creepy music coming from a graveyard should always be closely

investigated.

If a phone line is broken, communication can be restored by

frantically beating the cradle and saying "Hello?, Hello?"

It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight

involving martial arts, your enemies will wait patiently to attack

you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you

have knocked out the predecessor.

When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your room

will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.

Dogs always know who's bad and will naturally bark at them.

Police departments give their officers personality tests to make

sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total

opposite.

When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each

other.

Action heroes never face charges of manslaughter or criminal damage

despite laying entire cities to waste.

No matter how badly a spaceship is attacked, its internal gravity

system is never damaged.

If there is a deranged killer on the loose, this will coincide with

a thunderstorm that has brought down all the power and phone lines

in the vicinity.

You can always find a chain saw whenever you're likely to need one.

Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their

archenemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley

systems, deadly gases, lasers and man eating sharks that will allow

their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.

Having a job of any kind will make all fathers forget their son's

8th birthday.

All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red

readouts so you know exactly when they are going to go off.

It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are

visiting.

Guns are like disposable razors-if you run out of bullets, just

throw the gun away. You can always buy a new one.

Make-up can safely be worn to bed without smudging.

A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from

duty.



Vern.

[spearedum]

Yea, and how many gumshoes are supended from duty????

Thanx Dante'

[df357]

Medieval peasant women and cowgirls always wear bras and lipstick.

[Tom-May]

Firearms seldom need reloding except at the most inconvenient moment.

The villain, standing still cannot hit a plain moving target but the hero, bouncing irregularly on a moving vehicle can hit his target with sniper like accuracy.

And from all those televised Westerns:

The villain on a hillside with a rifle will miss at 100 yards +, the hero, snap shooting back from the saddle, will find his target.