Milsurp After Hours

• Definition of an Irish husband: He hasn't kissed his wife for
twenty years, but he will kill any man who does.

• Murphy told Quinn that his wife was driving him to drink.
Quinn thinks he's very lucky because his own wife makes him walk.

• The late Bishop Sheen stated that the reason the Irish fight so
often among themselves is that they're always assured of having a worthy
opponent.

• An American lawyer asked, "Paddy, why is it that whenever you
ask an Irishman a question, he answers with another question?"
"Who told you that?" asked Paddy.

• Question - Why are Irish jokes so simple?
Answer - So the English can understand them.
True that

• Reilly went to trial for armed robbery. The jury foreman came
out and announced, "Not guilty."
"That's grand!" shouted Reilly. "Does that mean I can keep the
money?"

• Irish lass customer: "Could I be trying on that dress in the
window?"
Shopkeeper: "I'd prefer that you use the dressing room."

•Mrs. Feeney shouted from the kitchen, "Is that you I hear spittin'
in the vase on the mantle piece?
"No," said himself, "but I'm gettin' closer all the time."

• Q. What do you call an Irishman who knows how to control a wife?
A. A bachelor.

• Finnegin: My wife has a terrible habit of staying up 'til two o'clock
in the morning. I can't break her of it.
Keenan: What on earth is she doin' at that time?
Finnegin: Waitin' for me to come home .

• "O'Ryan," asked the druggist, "did that mudpack I gave you
improve your wife's appearance?"
"It did surely," replied O'Ryan, "but it keeps fallin' off!"

• Did you hear about the Irish newlyweds who sat up all night on
their honeymoon waiting for their sexual relations to arrive?

• My mother wanted me to be a priest. Can you imagine giving up
your sex life and then once a week people come in to tell you the details
and highlights of theirs?

• Paddy and Mick get a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose.
They bag six.
As Paddy and Mick start loading the plane for the return trip, the
pilot says, "The plane can only take four of those."
The two lads object strongly. "Last year we shot six, and the pilot
let us put them all on board; he had the same plane as yours."

Reluctantly, the pilot gives in and all six are loaded.
However, even with full power, the little plane can't handle the load
and down it goes and crashes in the middle of nowhere.
A few moments later, climbing out of the wreckage, Paddy asks Mick,
"Any idea where we are?"
"I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year," says Mick.

• Paddy calls Easyjet to book a flight.
The operator asks "How many people are flying with you?"
Paddy replies "I don't know! It’s your frigging plane!"

• Two Irish couples decided to swap partners for the night.
After 3 hours of amazing sex, Paddy says "I wonder how the girls
are getting on".

• Paddy, the electrician, got sacked from the U.S. Prison service for
not servicing the electric chair.
He said in his professional opinion it was a death trap!

• Paddy, the Irish boyfriend of the woman whose head was found on
Arbroath beach was asked to identify her.
A detective held up the head to which point Paddy said "I don't
think that's her, she wasn't that tall!"

• Paddy and his wife are lying in bed and the neighbours' dog is
barking like mad in the garden.
Paddy says "To hell with this!" and storms off.
He comes back upstairs 5 minutes later and his wife asks "What did
you do?"
Paddy replies "I've put the dog in our garden. Let's see how they like it!"

• Paddy is said to be shocked at finding out all his cows have
Bluetongue.
"Be Jeysus!" he said, "I didn't even know they had mobile phones!"

• Mick and Paddy are reading head stones at a nearby cemetery.
Mick say "Crikey! There's a bloke here who was 152!"
Paddy says "What's his name?"
Mick replies "Miles, from London !"