Milsurp After Hours

Oh what a sleekit horrible beastie

Lurks in yer belly efter the feastie

Just as ye sit doon among yer kin

There sterts to stir an enormous wind

The neeps and tatties and mushy peas

Stert working like a gentle breeze

But soon the puddin wi the sauncie face

Will have ye blawin all ower the place

Nae matter whit the hell ye dae

A'bodys gonnae hae tae pay

Even if ye try to stifle

It's like a bullet oot a rifle

Hawd yer bum tight tae the chair

Tae try and stop the leakin air

Shify yersel fae cheek tae cheek

Prae tae God it doesnae reek

But aw yer efforts go asunder

Oot it comes like a clap o thunder

Ricochets aroon the room

Michty me! A sonic boom

Good God Almighty it fairly reeks

Hope I huvnae shit ma breeks

Tae the bog I better scurry

Awe whit the hell, it's no my worry

A'body roon aboot me choking

Wan or two are nearly bokin

I'll feel better for a while

Cannae help but raise a smile

Wis him! I shout with accusing glower

Alas too late, he's just keeled ower

Ye dirty bugger they shout and stare

A dinnae feel welcome any mair

Where e're ye go let yer wind gang free

Sounds just like the job fur me

Whit a fuss at Rabbie's perty

Ower the sake o' wan wee ferty

THat's great!

... excuse me while I pick myself up from the floor, I nearly had a stroke laughing!

Wind from the stomach;

Air from the heart...

T'is ignorant people,

That call it a fart.

Thanks o great bard of Spennymoor. I laughed so hard I nearly shat my britches.

Jethro