A few military jokes
Posted: Sat Jun 04, 2005 1:25 pm
Three men are sitting stiffly side by side on a long commercial flight.
After they're airborne and the plane has leveled off, the man in the
window seat abruptly says, distinctly and confidently, in a loud voice,
"Admiral, United States Navy, retired. Married, two sons, both
surgeons."
After a few minutes the man in the aisle seat states through a tight
lipped smile, "Admiral, United States Coast Guard, retired. Married, two
sons, both judges."
After some thought, the fellow in the center seat decides to introduce
himself. With a twinkle in his eye he proclaims, "Master Chief, United
States Navy, retired. Never married, two sons . . . both Admirals.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
During training exercises, the lieutenant who was driving down a muddy
back road encountered another car stuck in the mud with a red-faced
colonel at the wheel. "Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the lieutenant as he
pulled alongside.
"Nope," replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the keys,"Yours
is."
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Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new colonel was
sitting at his desk when an airman knocked on the door. Conscious of
his new position, the colonel quickly picked up the phone, told the
airman to enter, then said into the phone, "Yes, General, I'll be seeing
him this afternoon and I'll pass along your message. In the meantime,
thank you for your good wishes, sir."
Feeling as though he had sufficiently impressed the young enlisted man,
he asked, "What do you want?"
"Nothing important, sir," the airman replied, "I'm just here to hook up
your telephone."
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Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "Sure, buddy."
Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try itagain!
Soldier. Do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "No, SIR!"
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Q: How do you know if there is a fighter pilot at your party?
A: He'll tell you.
Q: What's the difference between God and fighter pilots?
A: God doesn't think he's a fighter pilot.
Q: What's the difference between a fighter pilot and a jet engine?
A: jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down.
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An Air Force Chief Master Sergeant and a General were sitting in the
barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves, when
the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces.
The General shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will
think I've been in a whorehouse!"
The Chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on me. My
wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like."
fritz
<p>I've learned....That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness, and growth occurs while you're climbing it.
After they're airborne and the plane has leveled off, the man in the
window seat abruptly says, distinctly and confidently, in a loud voice,
"Admiral, United States Navy, retired. Married, two sons, both
surgeons."
After a few minutes the man in the aisle seat states through a tight
lipped smile, "Admiral, United States Coast Guard, retired. Married, two
sons, both judges."
After some thought, the fellow in the center seat decides to introduce
himself. With a twinkle in his eye he proclaims, "Master Chief, United
States Navy, retired. Never married, two sons . . . both Admirals.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
During training exercises, the lieutenant who was driving down a muddy
back road encountered another car stuck in the mud with a red-faced
colonel at the wheel. "Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the lieutenant as he
pulled alongside.
"Nope," replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the keys,"Yours
is."
------------------------------------------------------------------
Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new colonel was
sitting at his desk when an airman knocked on the door. Conscious of
his new position, the colonel quickly picked up the phone, told the
airman to enter, then said into the phone, "Yes, General, I'll be seeing
him this afternoon and I'll pass along your message. In the meantime,
thank you for your good wishes, sir."
Feeling as though he had sufficiently impressed the young enlisted man,
he asked, "What do you want?"
"Nothing important, sir," the airman replied, "I'm just here to hook up
your telephone."
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "Sure, buddy."
Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try itagain!
Soldier. Do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "No, SIR!"
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How do you know if there is a fighter pilot at your party?
A: He'll tell you.
Q: What's the difference between God and fighter pilots?
A: God doesn't think he's a fighter pilot.
Q: What's the difference between a fighter pilot and a jet engine?
A: jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down.
------------------------------------------------------------------
An Air Force Chief Master Sergeant and a General were sitting in the
barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves, when
the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces.
The General shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will
think I've been in a whorehouse!"
The Chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on me. My
wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like."
fritz
<p>I've learned....That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness, and growth occurs while you're climbing it.
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