Milsurp After Hours

THESE ARE ENTRIES TO A WASHINGTON POST COMPETITION ASKING FOR A TWO-LINE RHYME WITH THE MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE, BUT THE LEAST ROMANTIC SECOND LINE:

My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:

Marrying you screwed up my life.

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I see your face when I am dreaming.

That's why I always wake up screaming.

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Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;

This describes everything you are not.

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Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,

But I only slept with you because I was pissed.

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I thought that I could love no other --

that is until I met your brother.

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Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.

But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead , the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

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I want to feel your sweet embrace;

But don't take that paper bag off your face.

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I love your smile, your face, and your eyes ..

Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

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My love, you take my breath away.

What have you stepped in to smell this way

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My feelings for you no words can tell,

Except for maybe "Go to hell."

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What inspired this amorous rhyme

Two parts vodka, one part lime

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Excellent!