For St. Patrick's Day

[Niner]

An Irishman moves into a tiny hamlet in County Kerry , walks into the
pub and promptly orders three beers. The bartender raises his
eyebrows, but serves the man three beers, which he drinks quietly at a
table, alone.

An hour later, the man has finished the three beers and orders three
more. This happens yet again. The next evening the man again orders
and drinks three beers at a time, several times. Soon the entire town
is whispering about the Man Who Orders Three Beers.

Finally, a week later, the bartender broaches the subject on behalf of
the town. "I don't mean to pry, but folks around here are wondering
why you always order three beers?"

"Tis odd, isn't it?" the man replies. "You see, I have two brothers,
and one went to America , and the other to Australia . We promised
each other that we would always order an extra two beers whenever we
drank as a way of keeping up the family bond."

The bartender and the whole town were pleased with this answer, and
soon the Man Who Orders Three Beers became a local celebrity and
source of pride to the hamlet, even to the extent that out-of-towners
would come to watch him drink.

Then, one day, the man comes in and orders only two beers. The
bartender pours them with a heavy heart. This continues for the rest
of the evening. He orders only two beers. The word flies around town.
Prayers are offered for the soul of one of the brothers.

The next day, the bartender says to the man, "Folks around here, me
first of all, want to offer condolences to you for the death of your
brother. You know-the two beers and all"

The man ponders this for a moment, then replies, "You'll be happy to
hear that my two brothers are alive and well. It's just that I,
meself, have decided to give up drinking for Lent."

[DuncaninFrance]

An Irishman had been drinking at a pub all night.
The bartender finally said that the bar was closing.
So, the Irishman stood up to leave fell flat on his face.
He tried to stand one more time; same result.
He figured he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air
And maybe that will sober him up.
Once outside, he stood up and fell on his face again.
So he decided to crawl the four blocks home.
Again, he fell flat on his face.
He crawled through the door and into his bedroom.
When he reached his bed he tried one more time to stand up.
This time he managed to pull himself upright,
but he quickly fell right into the bed and is sound asleep
As soon as his head hit the pillow.
He was awakened the next morning
to his wife standing over him, shouting,
"SO YOU'VE BEEN DRINKING AGAIN!"
Putting on an innocent look,
and intent on bluffing it out he said,
"What makes you say that?"
"The pub just called;
You left your wheelchair there again."

[Aughnanure]

Tis no only me inate good manners that stops me makin' a scathin' reply but also th' fact that Oi can't think of one