Milsurp After Hours

A middle-aged man took his wife out for her 40th birthday.
"What would you like for your birthday? A new car? A sable coat? A diamond necklace?" he asked.
"I want a divorce," she replied coldly.
"I wasn't planning to spend that much!" he quickly responded.

f a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there is a man on base." -- Dave Barry