FOR ALL YOU GOLFERS....................

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DuncaninFrance
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FOR ALL YOU GOLFERS....................

Post by DuncaninFrance » Wed Nov 17, 2010 3:25 pm

........................THE INDEX FROM A NEW BOOK :shock:

This book is on golf. I believe it gives the reader valuable playing tips and insider information that I have gained through my years of experience.

Highlights include:

Chapter 1 - How to Properly Line Up Your Fourth Putt
Chapter 2 - How to Hit a Maxfli from the Rough When You Just Hit a Titleist Pro V1 from the Tee
Chapter 3 - How to Avoid the Water When You Lie 8 in a Bunker
Chapter 4 - How to Get More Distance off a righthanded throw of a seven iron
Chapter 5 - When to Give the Course Marshall the Finger
Chapter 6 - Using Your Shadow on the Greens to Maximize Earnings
Chapter 7 - When to Implement Handicap Management
Chapter 8 - How to really piss off the Club Captain
Chapter 9 - How to Find That Ball That Everyone Else Saw Go in the Water
Chapter 10- How to Relax When You Are Hitting Three off the Tee
Chapter 11- When to Suggest Major Swing Corrections to Your Opponent
Chapter 12- When to Re-grip Your Ball Retriever

The book also includes the latest GOLF TERMS

A Paris Hilton - an expensive shaft
A Dennis Wise - a nasty 5 footer
A Salman Rushdie - an impossible read
A Rio Ferdinand - Lipped out
A Rock Hudson - thought it was straight, but it wasn't
A Cuban - needed one more revolution
An Adolf Hitler - two shots in the bunker
A Ronnie Corbett - always short
A Kate Moss - bit thin
A Paula Ratcliffe - an ugly fu**er but runs on well
An O. J. Simpson - got away with it
A Princess Grace - should have taken a driver
A Princess Di - shouldn't have taken a driver
A Ladyboy - looks like an easy hole but has a surprise
A Ken Ashburn - always putting short
A condom - safe but didn't feel real good
A circus tent - a BIG top
An Anna Kournikova - looks good, but wins ***no swearing please*** all
A Vinnie Jones - nasty kick when you're not expecting it
A Ryanair - lands a long way from the target
Duncan

What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch? -- W.C. Fields
"Many of those who enjoy freedom know little of its price."
You can't fix Stupid, but you can occasionally head it off before it hurts something.
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