Milsurp After Hours

A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When I

quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time....





I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was

standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin, 3

hours later and they're still walking about with it. I thought to myself,

they've lost the plot!!





I was at a cash point yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could

check her balance, so I pushed her over.





A new Middle East crisis erupted last night as Dubai Television was

refused permission to broadcast 'The Flintstones'. A spokesman for the

channel said. "A claim was made that people in Dubai would not understand

the humour, but we know for a fact that people in Abu Dhabi Do."





My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our

local pet shop and they were £70!!! B******s to this, I thought, I can

get one cheaper off the web.





Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy.





Went around to a friend's house today. His wife was sat there with their

new-born baby. She asked if I'd like to wind it. I thought that was a bit

harsh so I gave it a dead leg instead.





I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.





I was driving this morning when I saw an RAC van parked up. The driver was

sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to myself

'that guy's heading for a breakdown.'





On holiday recently in Spain I saw a sign that said 'English speaking

Doctor' - I thought, 'What a good idea, why don't we have them in our

country?'

Need to translate this one into Americanese.


"Went around to a friend's house today. His wife was sat there with their new-born baby. She asked if I'd like to wind it. I tought that was a bit harsh so I gave it a dead leg instead."

Non, mon ami, zee cornair is not emptie. Not now.

And a place of honor for sure. Those were so bad some of them were actually funny. I bet Joe couldn't come up with as many that bad and he specializes in such jokes. And...like Karl that one with the baby was one I didn't get either.

I got the one about the baby, wish I hadn't but I did. Take it on trust that it's just not worth translating.

She asked if I'd like to wind it. ( Put it over my shoulder and burp it in baby terms) I thought that was a bit harsh so I gave it a dead leg instead (of winding it - hitting it so hard in the belly it was gasping for breath).

Hope that helps Karl / Robert

Thanks, Duncan, I too had a question on that one. I figured out the "wind" it, but the "dead leg" had me stumped.

Barbaric

Ugh.

Children -I'm with WC Fields - I like em but I can't eat a whole one