Frank Feldman

[Karl/Pa.]

A guy gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just
like Frank."

Passenger: "Who?"

Cabbie: "Frank Feldman ... he's a guy who did everything right all the
time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that
to Frank Feldman every single time."

Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."

Cabbie: "Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won
the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera
baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play
the piano. He was an amazing guy."

Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special."

Cabbie: "There's more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered
everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which
fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse,
and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman could do everything
right.'"

Passenger: "Wow, some guy then."

Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid
traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he
never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her
feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and
his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the
perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to
Frank Feldman."

Passenger: "Sounds like an amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"

Cabbie: "Well ... I never actually met Frank. He died and I married his
bitchy wife."

[Niner Delta]