Milsurp After Hours

A pirate walks into a bar with a boat's steering wheel attached to his crotch.
The bartender says, "Hey buddy do you know you have a steering wheel attached to your crotch?
The pirate replies, " Arrrr I know! It's drivin me nuts!"

Arrrr, go stand in the corner Jim lad!

An take eeeee parot with eeee¬!

A pirate with a peg leg, a hook and an eyepatch is asked by a little kid
“Mister Pirate, how did you lose your leg?” The pirate replied “Arrr, twas off the Barbary Coast when a British cannonball came through the port and carried away me leg, Arrrr.”
Then the kid asked “Mr. Pirate, how did you lose your hand?” The pirate says “Arrr, We was boarding a fat Spanish merchantman when someone swung a cutlass and took me hand. Arrrr.”
Finally the little kid asked “Mr. Pirate how did you lose you eye?”
The pirate says “Arrr, I was standing on the poop deck one fine summer evening and looked up into the sky for the first star and a seagull flew over and crapped right in me eye, Arrr.”
The little kid looked confused and said “I didn’t know that bird poop would take out an eye??”

The pirate looked at him with his good eye and said “It will if it happens a week after you get your ‘ook.”