Walmart...

[Aughnanure]

Mr. and Mrs. Fenton are retired, and Mrs. Fenton insists her husband

go with her to Walmart, but he gets bored with all the shopping trips.

He prefers to get in and get out, but Mrs. Fenton loves to browse.

Here's a letter sent to Mrs. Fenton------

Dear Mrs. Fenton,

Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a

commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may ban

both of you from our stores. We have documented all incidents on our

video surveillance equipment. All complaints against Mr. Fenton are

listed below.

Things Mr. Bill Fenton has done while his spouse was shopping in

Walmart:

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in

people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at

5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the

restrooms.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official

tone, Code 3' in housewares..... and watched what happened.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's

on layaway.

6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted

area.

7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told

other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the

bedding department.

8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins >> >

> to cry and asks, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a

mirror, and picked his nose.

10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, >> > >

asked

the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.

11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming

the "Mission Impossible" theme.

12. December 6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna look"

using different size funnels.

13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse

through, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he

assumes the fetal position and screams "NO ! NO! It's those voices

again!!!!"

And last, but not least .....

15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited

awhile, then yelled very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"

Regards,

Walmart

[Karl/Pa.]

My kind of guy. You afflicted with WalMarts over there too?

[Aughnanure]

Not yet...but we live in hope