The Year's Best (actual) Headlines Of 2006:

[DuncaninFrance]

Crack Found on Governor's Daughter

[hmm!]

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

[No, really?]

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

[Now that's taking things a bit far!]

Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?

[Do they ever read what they write?]

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

[What a guy!]

Miners Refuse to Work after Death

[No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-sos!]

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

[See if that works any better than a fair trial!]

War Dims Hope for Peace

[I can see where it might have that effect!]

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile

[You think?!]

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

[Who would have thought!]

Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

[They may be on to something!]

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges

[You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?!]

Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge

[He probably IS the battery charge]

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

[Weren't they fat enough?!]

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

[That's what he gets for eating those beans!]

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

[Taste like chicken?]

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

[Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors

[Boy, are they tall!]

And the winner is.... Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead; Did I read that sign right?