Please give generously...........

[DuncaninFrance]

Major floods hit North Britain ...

Epicenter: Rotherham , England

News of the disaster was swiftly carried abroad by the town's 35,000

racing pigeons, as victims were seen wandering around aimlessly

muttering "fookinhell" and "chuffinnorah".

The flood decimated the town, causing almost £30 worth of damage.

Several priceless collections of mementos from the Balearic Isles and

the Spanish Costas were damaged beyond repair. Three areas of historic

burnt out cars were ruined.

Many locals were woken well before their Giro arrived. Radio station

RotherFM reported that hundreds of residents were confused and

bewildered, still trying to come to terms with the fact that something

interesting had happened in Rotherham . One resident, 15 year old mother

of 3, Tracey Sharon Braithwaite said:

"It were such a shock, my little lass Chardonnay-Madonna came

running into my bedroom crying. The twins, Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm

slept through it all. I were still shaking when I were watching Kilroy

t' next morning".

However, locals were determined not to be bowed, as looting,

muggings and car crime carried on as normal.

So far, whilst the British Red Cross has managed to ship 4000 crates

of Sunny Delight to the area to relieve the suffering of stricken

locals, rescue workers searching through the rubble have found large

quantities of personal belongings including benefit books, jewellery

from Elizabeth Duke at Argos , and bone china from Pound-Stretcher.

Can You Help?

Please respond generously to our appeal for food and clothing for

the victims of this disaster.

Clothing is needed most of all, especially:

* Fila or Burberry baseball caps

* Kappa tracksuit tops (his / hers)

* Shell suits (female)

* White sports socks

* Rockfort boots or any other product sold by Primark.

Culturally sensitive food parcels are harder to put together, but

your efforts will make a difference.

Microwave meals, tinned baked beans, ice-cream and cans of Colt 45

or Special Brew are ideal.

Please do not donate anything that requires peeling.

Remember:

22p buys a biro for filling in compensation claims, £2 buys chips,

crisps and a blue fizzy drink for a family of 9, £5 will pay for a

packet of B&H and a lighter to calm a child's nerves. And for only the

price of a bottle of house sparkling wine in a south west London pub

will be able to buy a house for a typical household of 9 + 3 dogs!

Urgently required: Tinned whippet food, Caesar for Jack Russells.

Please do not send tents for shelter - the obvious improvement in

housing might cause residents to believe they have been forcibly

relocated to Sheffield .

[Niner]

After hurricanes, ice is the thing most needed. Think I'll mail some to Rotherham tomorrow. Have any idea what the zipcode is? LOL

[Niner Delta]

Rutters News Service.

Paris. July 16

Late this afternoon a small Cessna airplane, with four people on board, crashed about 37 miles east of Paris, France. There were no survivors as the plane hit into a very large local cemetery. So far 263 bodies have been recovered but the death toll is sure to go higher as digging will continue through the night.

Film at 11.