Don’t blame me for the quality of the following “jokes”, I’m

[DuncaninFrance]

A government survey has shown that 91% of illegal immigrants come to Britain so that they can see their own doctor.

I've just fitted strobe lights in the bedroom, It makes the wife look like she's moving during sex.

Two Thai girls asked me if I'd like to go bed with them, they said it would be just like winning the lottery! I agreed, and they were right. We all stripped off and to my horror, we had six matching balls!

Such an unfair world:- When a man talks dirty to a woman its considered sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man it's 2.50/min (charges may vary).

I've just booked a table for Valentines Day for me and the wife. Bound to end in tears though; she's crap at snooker.

If you get an email telling you that you can catch Swine Flu from tins of ham then delete it. It's probably Spam.

They say that sex is the best form of exercise. Correct me if I'm wrong but I don't think 2 minutes and 15 seconds every 3 months (how often?) is going to shift this beer belly.

[Dave 101]

Laughable with a groan .

Dave

[Karl/Pa.]

Best you can expect from a Brit living in France I guess. He's cut off from his normal supply.