LAWS OF NATURE

[DuncaninFrance]

Forget Newton and Galileo. Here are the real laws of nature:



1.Law of Mechanical Repair -After your hands become coated with grease,
your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

2.Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to
the least accessible corner.

3. Law of Probability- The probability of being watched is directly
proportional to the stupidity of your act.

4.Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy
signal and someone always answers.

5.Supermarket Law - As soon as you get in the smallest line, the cashier
will have to call for help.

6.Variation Law -If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were
in will always move faster than the one you are in now.

7.Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the
telephone rings.

8. Law of Close Encounters -The probability of meeting someone you know
increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be
seen with.

9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine
won't work, it will.

10. Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely
proportional to the reach.

11.. Law of the Theater & Hockey Arena - At any event, the people whose
seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones
who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the
toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game
is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have
long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the
performance. The aisle people also are v ery surly folk.

12. The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your
boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

13. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only 2 people in a locker room,
they will have adjacent lockers.

14. Law of Physical Surfaces -The chances of an open-faced jam sandwich
landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and
cost of the carpet or rug.

15.Law of Logical Argument-Anything is possible if you don't know what you
are talking about.

16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

17.Oliver's Law of Public Speaking- A closed mouth gathers no feet.

18.Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy -As soon as you find a
product that you really like, they will stop making it.

19. Doctors' Law- If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the
doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better... But don't make an
appointment, and you'll stay sick. This has been proven over and over with
taking children to the pediatrician.

[Reese Williams]

There is an antidote for the second rule. Having spent a fair bit of my mis-spent youth as a BMC mechanic I have found that if you keep a pan of used motor oil about 18" in diameter and 6" deep on the floor of the shop most of the dropped items will land in it. If the oil is maintained at 180-200 degrees F all of the dropped items will land in it.

[DuncaninFrance]

[Niner Delta]

I think they are all true and have experienced most of them.............

#2 - If not in the corner, it will roll under the car and stop in the middle.

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[Niner]

I wouldn't mind #2 if the part dropped was in some place that I saw where it went. My problem is finding where small parts I drop go. I lost a small slip of paper that had the key code to a disk on it. I had it between my thumb and the disk and it somehow dropped before I called myself inserting disk and code into a paper sleeve for safe keeping. It took me a week to find it.

[Karl/Pa.]

20. Law of Lasting Embarassment - Watching your boss do something you told him couldn't be done.

[Niner Delta]

21. Law of Machinery Repair - Interchangeable parts aren't.

22. Law of Replacement Parts - A failed 25¢ part cannot be replaced by a new 25¢ part, but by a sub-assembly
whose cost is equal to or greater than that of the device in need of the part.


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