When Engineers go to Hell

[Karl/Pa.]

An engineer dies and reports to the Pearly Gates.

Saint Peter checks his dossier and, not seeing his
name there, accidentally sends the engineer to Hell.

It doesn't take long before the engineer becomes
rather dissatisfied with the level of comfort in Hell.

He soon begins to design and build improvements.
Shortly thereafter, Hell has air conditioning, flush
toilets and escalators. Needless to say, the engineer
is a pretty popular guy.

One day, God calls Satan and says: "So, how are
things in Hell?"

Satan replies: "Hey, things are going great. We've
got air conditioning, flush toilets, and escalators.
And there's no telling what this engineer is going to
come up with next."

"What!" God exclaims: "You've got an engineer?

That's a mistake - he should never have been sent
to Hell. Send him to me."

"Not a chance," Satan replies: "I like having an
engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him!"

God insists: "Send him back or I'll sue."

Satan laughs uproariously and answers: "Yeah,
right. And where are you going to get a lawyer?

[Niner Delta]

I like lawyer jokes, they are usually so.......................true...


A few of my favorites........

99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

What do you call 200 dead lawyers.............................a good start.

Why won't maggots eat dead lawyers...........................professional courtesy.

What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should...........stick his bill up his ass.

Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons........once launched, can't be recalled, and when they land, they
fuck up everything forever.

What happens to a lawyer when you give him Viagra..............he gets taller.

Where do you find a good lawyer..........................cemetery.

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[Aughnanure]

99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name

A very good friend of mine is a lawyer and he says that that figure is wrong and that the actual figure is 97.83%

[Niner Delta]

Since 98.37% of all lawyers are liars, there is a high probability that he is not telling
you the truth.......

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?
A: The pronunciation.

Q: How does a lawyer sleep?
A: First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.

Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
A: Their lips are moving.

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[Aughnanure]

I trust him.......2.17% of the time.

[Niner]

There is a guy in my part of the world that is often on the TV with his advertisement. He even took out one that ran during the Super Bowl. I'd guess only in parts of Alabama was it shown. And lawyers used to pretend that they were " professional" and wouldn't stoop to crass advertisements....vanish the thought. Some are still like that.....I have a brother who does law for Bankers and big companies and maybe some of those Wall Street firms that nearly put the country into another Depression. . He's on all kinds of do gooder project boards and such. A pillow of the community he is by all measurements. He could be a judge....except it doesn't pay nearly as well I'd imagine.

Take a look at David J. Baloney. I mean Maloney.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P3ZwAMhnzOg

[Niner Delta]

I had an uncle that was a lawyer, but to spare the family the shame of admitting it, we all told
people he was a piano player in a whorehouse.............

Badda-rum-bump!! (rimshot)


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