Another list - this time on marriage.

[Karl/Pa.]

** The wife's back on the warpath again. She was up for making a sex
movie last night, and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for
her part.

** I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could
spell disaster.

** My sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them. It was my own
fault. I should have taken them off.

** I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night, or
"foreplay" as she likes to call it.

** After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the wife
were going to commit suicide yesterday. But strangely enough, once she
killed herself, I started to feel a lot better. So I thought, "Screw it, soldier
on!"

** I woke up this morning at 8, and could sense something was
wrong. I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor,
not breathing! I panicked. I didn't know what to do. Then I remembered
McDonald's serves breakfast until 11:30.

** Bought the missus a hamster skin coat last week. Took her to the
fair last night, and it took me 3 hours to get her off the Ferris wheel.

** The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept
with. I told her, "Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!"

** My missus packed my bags, and as I walked out the front door, she
screamed, "I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!" "Oh," I
replied, "so now you want me to stay!"

** I've just installed strobe lights in the bedroom. It makes the wife
look like she's moving during sex.