Old drunk driving story

[Karl/Pa.]

John Windsor was flagged down by a gendarme in the Champs Elysee in Paris. It was close to midnight and he was on his way back to his brother-in-law's house in Rue Cler. The truth was inescapable, John was as drunk as a skunk.

The gendarme signals to him to wind down the window then asks John if he has been drinking, and with a slurring speech the Englishman replies; 'Yes, this morning I was at my (hic) daughter's wedding during the banquet I remember downing two great bottles of wine; a Corbieres, and a Minervois, oh and (hic)...a sauterne with the cake.' 'Then to finish off during the celebrations in the evening ...me and my mate Trevor downed a bottle of Bells whisky.'

Getting impatient the gendarme warns him; 'Do you realize I'm a policeman and have stopped you for a breathalyser test'?

John, with a grin on his face replies; 'You don't seem to understand that I'm English, like my car, and that my teetotal wife is sitting in the other seat, at she's at the wheel - not me!

[Niner Delta]

Cop pulls me over and says, "Your eyes look red, you been drinking?"
Me to cop, "Your eyes look glazed, you been eating donuts?"

(Cuffs go "click")