Once a Baptist......

Karl/Pa. · Post by **Karl/Pa.** » Tue Nov 15, 2005 7:26 pm

Bill Smith was the only Baptist to move into a large Catholic neighborhood. On the first Friday of Lent, Bill was outside grilling a big juicy steak on his grill. Meanwhile, all of his neighbors were eating cold tuna fish for supper. This went on each Friday of Lent. On the last Friday of Lent, the neighborhood men got together and decided that something had to be done about Bill, he was tempting them to eat meat each Friday of Lent, and they couldn't take it anymore. They decided to try and convert Bill to be a Catholic.

They went over and talked to him and were so happy that he decided to join all of his neighbors and become a Catholic. They took him to church, and the Priest sprinkled some water over him and said, "You were born a Baptist, you were raised a Baptist, and now you are a Catholic." The men were so relieved, now their biggest Lenten temptation was resolved.

The next year's Lenten season! rolled around. The first Friday of Lent came, and just at supper time, when the neighborhood was sitting down to their tuna fish dinner, came the wafting smell of steak cooking on a grill. The neighborhood men could not believe their noses! WHAT WAS GOING ON? They called each other up and decided to meet over in John's yard to see if he had forgotten it was the first Friday of Lent? The group arrived just in time to see Bill standing over his grill with a small pitcher of water. He was sprinkling some water over his steak on the grill, saying, "You were born a cow, you were raised a cow, and now you are a fish."

Tom-May · Post by **Tom-May** » Tue Nov 15, 2005 10:13 pm

Serious religious question raised by this joke.

Is it possible to be both Catholic and vegitarian (transsubstantiation and all that)?

Tom

Post by **Niner** » Wed Nov 16, 2005 12:00 am

You are kidding , right?

Aughnanure · Post by **Aughnanure** » Wed Nov 16, 2005 3:13 am

Canabalistic vegetarian?

Eoin.

Woftam · Post by **Woftam** » Wed Nov 16, 2005 3:37 pm

Is it possible to be both Catholic and vegitarian (transsubstantiation and all that)?

Only if you're Catholic. Meaning that the more devout Catholics have a clever but fairly obscure explanation involving substantial and supernatural appearances by the Jesus and the injuring only of the accidents of bread and wine.

Most Catholics either don't think about it or believe the whole thing to be symbolic not literal.

Does this not stray quite a bit from the forum objectives ? I know I answered it but I'm impulsive that way sometimes.

Aughnanure · Post by **Aughnanure** » Wed Nov 16, 2005 3:52 pm

Yair, maybe it should have been in 'Shootin the Breeze' but it is humourous, especially to this Catholic.

Eoin.

Post by **Niner** » Wed Nov 16, 2005 9:49 pm

Does this not stray quite a bit from the forum objectives ? I know I answered it but I'm impulsive that way sometimes.

I was raised Catholic myself, by the way. I think the joke is funny and took no offense at anything said as comments, it is just that, in comments, we should leave religious observations, that might be taken seriously, alone.... to keep peace.

Tom-May · Post by **Tom-May** » Wed Nov 16, 2005 10:14 pm

Sorry guys, it was three in the morning, I'd just read the joke and the question popped into my head - the lesson is obviously that I should make a note and and wait until I'm awake and re-read before considering posting such comments.

Peace!

Tom

Post by **Niner** » Thu Nov 17, 2005 12:37 am

I have written lots worse comments than you did more times than I want to remember......and the reason wasn't a lack of sleep but too much of something else of a liquid nature.

Woftam · Post by **Woftam** » Thu Nov 17, 2005 2:22 am

Don't get me wrong fella's. I was more worried about the reply being in the wrong place than the original joke.

I did find the joke humourous as well and certainly wasn't offended.

As one of few (I imagine) catholics living on the Shankill Road I find a well developed sense of humour a useful item.

Catholic Dog

Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, "Father, me dog is dead. Could ya' be saying' a mass for the poor creature?"

Father Patrick replied, "I'm afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there's no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for the creature."

Muldoon said, "I'll go right away Father. Do ya' think $5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?"

Father Patrick exclaimed, "Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn`t ya tell me the dog was Catholic?

----------------------------------------------------

DONATION

Father O'Malley answers the phone.

"Hello, is this Father O'Malley?"

"It is"

"This is the IRS. Can you help us?"

"I can"

"Do you know a Ted Houlihan?"

"I do"

"Is he a member of your congregation?"

"He is"

"Did he donate $10,000 to the church?"

"He will".

-----------------------------------------------------

CONFESSION

An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues:

"I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitchhiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times."

Priest: "Are you sorry for your sins?"

Man: "What sins?"

Priest: "What kind of a Catholic are you?"

Man: "I'm Jewish."

Priest: "Why are you telling me all this?"

Man: "I'm telling everybody."

-----------------------------------------------------

Once a Baptist......

Once a Baptist......

Serious?

Amen

Think nothing of it Tom