New Defence Voicemail..

[Woftam]

New Defence Voicemail..

"Thank you for calling the Australian Defence Force. We are sorry, but all of our units are out at the moment, or are otherwise engaged. Please leave a message with your country, name of organisation, the region, the specific crisis, and a number at which we can call you. As soon as we have sorted out PMKeyS, SDSS, East Timor, Bougainville, Afganistan, Iraq, Bali, Refugees, the Defence Efficiency Review, the Defence Reform Program,the Commercial Support Program, and compulsory 'Fraud Awareness' and 'Workplace Equity and Diversity' training, we will return your call."

"Please speak after the tone, or if you require more options, please listen to the following numbers:"



"If your crisis is small, and close to a secure domestic airport, press 1 for the 3rd Brigade."



"If your concern is distant, with a tropical climate and good hotels, and can be solved by 1 or 2 low risk bombing runs, please press 'Hash' for the Royal Australian Air Force. Please note this service is not available after 1600 hrs, if it is overcast, at weekends or Public Holidays."

"If your inquiry concerns a situation which can be resolved by either overpriced and expensive submarines without combat capability, or by World War II relics that cannot keep up with Indonesian fishing trawlers, or by a really good marching band, please write, well in advance, to the Chief of Navy, Russell Offices, Canberra."

"If your inquiry is not urgent, please press 2 for the Rapid Deployment Force."



"If you are in real, hot trouble please press 3, and your call will be routed to Sandline International."



"If you are interested in joining the ADF and wish to be shouted at, paid little, have premature arthritis, put your wife and family in a condemned hut miles from civilisation, and are prepared to work your arse off daily, risking your life, in all weathers and terrains, both day and night, whilst watching the Department of Finance eroding your original terms and conditions of service, then please stay on the line. Your call will shortly be connected to a bitter passed-over Recruiting Sergeant in a little office down by the railway station."

"Have a pleasant day, and thank you again for trying to contact the Australian Defence Force."

[Aughnanure]

So? What's funny about tellin' the truth?

Eoin.