Doctor Humor

[Karl/Pa.]

. A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby

in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the

lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed

that there were several cabs and I was in the wrong one.

Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX.

2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and

slightly deaf patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I

instructed. "Yes, they used to be ," replied the patient.

Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA. >

3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that

her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five

minutes later,

I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a

"massive internal fart."

Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada

4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his

cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble

with one of his medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch. The nurse

told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of

places to put it!" I had him qui ckly undress and discovered what I hoped

I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now,

the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new

one.

Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St.Clair, Norfolk, VA.

5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How

long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she

answered... "Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was

alive." Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR.

6. I was caring for a woman and asked, "So how's your breakfast this

morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem

to get used to the taste" the patient replied. I then asked to see the

jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."

Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI.

7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with

purple hair styled int o a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of

tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly

determined that the patient had acute appendicitis,

so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely

disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair

had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep

off the grass." Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a

short note on the patient's dressing, which said, "Sorry, had to mow the

lawn." Submitted by RN no name.

AND FINALLY!!!................

8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I was quite embarrassed

when performing pelvic exams. To cover my embarrassment I had

unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady

upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and

further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and sheepishly said,

" I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor, but the song

you were whistling was, "I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener".

Doctor wouldn't submit his name..........