Bad Day at Hallmark

[Karl/Pa.]

Ever wondered what happens when Hallmark writers are having a bad day........

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My tire was thumping.
I thought it was flat
When I looked at the tire...
I noticed your cat.
Sorry!
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Heard your wife left you,
How upset you must be.
But don't fret about it...
She moved in with me.
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Looking back over the years
That we've been together,
I can't help but wonder...
"What the hell was I thinking?"

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Congratulations on your wedding day!
Too bad no one likes your husband.

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How could two people as beautiful as you
Have such an ugly baby?
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I've always wanted to have
Someone to hold,
Someone to love.
After having met you ..
I've changed my mind.

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I must admit, you brought Religion into my life.
I never believed in Hell until I met you.

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As the days go by,
I think of how lucky I am...
That you're not here
to ruin it for me.

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Congratulations on your promotion.
Before you go.. .
Would you like to take this knife out of my back?
You'll probably need it again.

*****************************************************************
Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!
(Available only in Tennessee , Kentucky & West Virginia )

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Happy birthday!
You look great for your age.
Almost Lifelike!

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When we were together,
You always said you'd die for me.
Now that we've broken up,
I think it's time you kept your promise.

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We have been friends for a very long time ..
let's say we stop?

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I'm so miserable without you
it's almost like you're here.

==================================================
Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.
Did you ever find out who the father was?

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Your friends and I wanted to do
Something special for your birthday.
So we're having you put to sleep.

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So you learned your daughter's a hooker,
And it spoiled your day.
Look at the bright side,
it's really good pay

[Niner Delta]

Singing telegram..................

Ta-da....da..da.da.da
You're sister Rose is dead,
She fell and smashed her head.

-Mom