Encourging Messages for Disturbed Friends

[Karl/Pa.]

Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!

I have kleptomania,
but when it gets bad,
I take something for it.


FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS!
Except that one where you're naked in church.


Sometimes too much to drink isn't enough.



Kinky is using a feather.
Perverted is using the whole chicken.


Heaven is Where:
The Police are British,
The Chefs are Italian,
The Mechanics are German,
The Lovers are French
and
It's all organized by the Swiss.

Hell is Where:
The Police are German,
The Chefs are British,
The Mechanics are French,
The Lovers are Swiss
and
It's all organized by the Italians.


My short-term memory is not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my short-term memory's not as sharp as it used to be.



Welcome to Utah
Set your watch back 2020years..




In just two days from now,
tomorrow will be yesterday.


A bartender is just a pharmacist
with a limited inventory


The statement below is true.
The statement above is false.



I may be schizophrenic,
but at least I have each other.



I am a Nobody.
Nobody is Perfect.
Therefore I am Perfect.



KENTUCKY :
Five million people,
Fifteen last names.




I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.



Dyslexics Have More Nuf.



I LOVE COOKING WITH WINE
Sometimes I even put it in the food.



When you work here,
you can name your own salary.
I named mine, "Slim".



Reality is only an illusion
that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.




I like cats too.
Let's exchange recipes.



Red meat is not bad for you
Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.



I am having an out-of-money
experience.




Don't sweat the petty things.
Don't pet the sweaty things.




Corduroy pillows are making headlines!




I want to die while asleep like my grandfather,
not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.



I FOUND JESUS!
He was in my trunk when I got back from Tijuana ,

[Niner]

Now that's a different point of view. Made me laugh.

[Tom-May]

The only comment I can add to that list ids:

We live in a society where money talks
-Why is it that mine can only say 'goodbye'?